


Bad Dream

by centreoftheselights



Series: Dismantle The Gender Trinary [14]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Agender Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Alpha!Roman Sanders, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Beta!Patton Sanders, Beta!Virgil Sanders, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Chinese American Virgil Sanders, Divorce, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Genderfluid Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Happy Ending, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Married Couple, Nightmares, No-One Can Hear You Scream, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega!Logan Sanders, Polyamorous Marriage, Screaming, Sexism, Sharing a Bed, Sibling Bullying, Trans Male Morality | Patton Sanders, bad memories, parental neglect, reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23532700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centreoftheselights/pseuds/centreoftheselights
Summary: Virgil has a dream that brings up the past. Luckily, the present day is a much nicer place to live.
Relationships: LAMP - Relationship
Series: Dismantle The Gender Trinary [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1335505
Comments: 28
Kudos: 244
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Centreoftheselights' Bad Things Happen Bingo 2020





	Bad Dream

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as part of my [Bad Things Happen Bingo card](https://potestessemagishomosexualitatis.tumblr.com/tagged/bad-things-happen-bingo)! The prompt was "you can scream all you want."
> 
> This is part of my Dismantle The Gender Trinary AU, but should make sense as a stand-alone - you need to know that Virgil is an agender beta (they/them), Roman is a genderfluid alpha (he/him and she/her) and LAMP are mates (married).
> 
> I wasn't planning on writing about this backstory in any fics, but this idea came to me fully formed. If you've read the rest of the AU, this is a fair bit darker in tone, so please heed the warnings!

Some part of Virgil recognised the dream as soon as it began.

But they were still powerless to stop it from playing out.

They were a child again – barely nine years old, short and skinny with their hair cropped short, wandering the halls of the house they had grown up in in the silent hours of the early morning. They had always been a light sleeper, and the curtains in the room they shared with three beta siblings were flimsy and let in the light, waking them at dawn more often than not. They had formed a habit of creeping down the hall to the kitchen, so they could eat their breakfast in the peaceful half-light before the rest of the family were awake.

But this morning, they were not the only one moving around the house.

At the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs they froze, half-hidden behind the kitchen door. Several adults were coming downstairs: Father, Mother, and some of the beta parents, including -

Mama-wu. _Virgil's_ mama. The one parent who chased away their siblings when they started picking on them. The one who didn't tell them they were un-betalike for climbing trees, or scold them for feeling shy around strangers. The one who held them when they were scared, and sang them lullabies, and snuck them an extra cookie and who made them feel safe and wanted in a pack where they were always the odd one out.

Mama-wu was carrying a big bag, like the kind they took on vacation, which had been so hastily packed that a sleeve of a dress was caught in the zip, hanging out so it dragged along the ground. Her face was pale and her eyes were red as though she had been crying, but she didn't speak. One of the other betas was talking a lot at Father, speaking in rapid Chinese, and Virgil's grasp of the language wasn't good enough to follow but he understood the odd word, like “please” and “promised” and “goodbye.”

Father simply shook his head, and pointed out the door. Mama-wu's breath caught as she bent to put on her shoes, and Virgil let out the softest sound of sympathy.

Father looked around, frowning at them.

“You, go!” he commanded, shooing them back into the kitchen. “Start cooking breakfast.”

Virgil nodded, and quickly hurried away from the doorway, not wanting to anger him. Instead, they grabbed a chair and pulled it over to the counter, climbing up so that they could press their face against the front window overlooking the driveway. By the time they had climbed up, the three betas were seated in the back of one of the family's cars, with Mother in the driving seat. Virgil's mama was closest to them, close enough that if she only looked up she would see them in an instant – but of course, she had no idea they were there.

She kept looking down.

In reality, Virgil hadn't really understood what was happening. They had known this was strange, of course, but how could they have guessed that in an hour, Mama-yi would announce over breakfast that Baba-si, Baba-liu and Mama-wu had left the pack, and would not be returning? That all their questions about why and where they had gone would be ignored, met with sharp words and punishments – and, that without Mama-wu there to shield them, the punishments would become harsher and more frequent over the next few months, their siblings' bullying bolder and crueller? That this was only the beginning of years of loneliness and fear, of learning to fade into the background and to always watch their back – that they would never again feel safe and wanted among the pack that had raised them?

In reality they hadn't known any of that. But in the dream they knew all too well what this moment meant, how badly they would regret missing their chance to say goodbye.

And so they screamed. They shouted and howled and banged their fists on the glass, trying to make Mama look up, to realise that Virgil was watching, to come back or take them with her or even simply know that they cared she was gone. Tears ran down Virgil's face as they made as much noise as they possibly could, trying to get her attention -

But the car was driving away, and she still didn't look up. And it no longer mattered how loud Virgil screamed.

Out of all his eight parents and more than a dozen siblings, only one of them had ever come when they cried, and she was being taken away from them forever.

#

Virgil woke up confused, no longer certain what was real. It was dark, and they were tangled in sheets, and someone was touching them – they smelled alpha and lashed out, instinctively, before their brain caught up and supplied _home_ and _safe_ and _Roman_ and they curled forward, burying their face in her chest and letting the sobs tear out of them.

Roman's arms wrapped around them, her touch light and careful, as she murmured reassurances: “Hey, beautiful, you're okay. I've got you, you're safe, nothing can hurt you here.”

“I -” Virgil's throat felt like they had tried to swallow sandpaper, and their breath was coming in sharp gasps. “I -”

“You're okay honey, we're here.” Patton nuzzled in close, pressing against their back.

“Take slow, deep breaths.” Logan's voice was calm and steady, reaching over Patton to rub Virgil's shoulder. “In, two, three, four…”

Virgil breathed with the familiar count, and Roman and Patton were following it too, no sound in the darkness but Logan's voice and the soft unison of their breaths. They were surrounded by their mates on all sides, and slowly the tension drained out of them, leaving them feeling weak and shaky.

“I – I had a nightmare,” they said, weakly. “… Sorry I woke you guys up.”

“I think I speak for us all when I say your well-being is more important,” Logan said.

“Do you want to talk about it, baby?” Patton asked. “You don't have to, but… it seemed bad. You were screaming in your sleep.”

Virgil bit their lip.

“… It was about my mama,” they said, so soft it was barely a whisper.

Their mates already knew the story. Patton made a sympathetic noise, while Roman hugged Virgil closer and Logan squeezed their arm gently.

“Love,” Roman said softly. “I hope this goes without saying, but we would never abandon you or cast you out, definitely not for financial reasons!” (That was what had happened to their mama, Virgil had later figured out – the pack needed to move to a smaller house, and the betas who had been forced out were part of that 'downsizing.') “No matter what happens, we will always treat you with respect -”

Virgil snorted, shaking their head.

“Don't worry Princess,” they said softly. “I know all that. I did actually make sure you weren't horrible people before I agreed to mate with you. I haven't had that dream in years, it's just…”

They trailed off with a sigh.

“Something like that never really leaves you,” Patton finished for them. “Not completely.”

“Yeah,” Virgil agreed, sniffing a little. “Sometimes I just… I remember, and it hurts.”

Roman pressed her face into their hair.

“I wish I could do something to save you from that pain,” she whispered.

Virgil smiled.

“This is enough,” they promised. “Holding me… comforting me, loving me. I never thought I would get to have this.”

“You deserve all the love in the world,” Patton murmured, and the other two made noises of agreement.

“Try to sleep some more, if you can,” Logan suggested. “We will be here if you wake again.”

“I know you will,” Virgil mumbled, their eyes slowly drooping closed.

Everything was dark and peaceful, no sound but their loves' breathing, and they were warm and safe and loved, _so_ loved, as they slowly drifted back to sleep.


End file.
